I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
