he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
