That's intense
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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