half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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