This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
