she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I supernannyed him into submission
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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