For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
