Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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