Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize