my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
