a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
