Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
