Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
