Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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