i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
