I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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