We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize