im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
