lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
