I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
