Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize