I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
