I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
