I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
