She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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