Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize