I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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