I feel great
I just peed on a car
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
