dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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