youre lurking in front of me
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
