Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
