Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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