I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
