Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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