My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
