dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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