Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
