If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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