I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got inside last night via doggy door
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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