Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
