Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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