Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
