We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize