shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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