the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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