I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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