Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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