exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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