Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
