yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
