alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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