whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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