I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
