I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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