why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
