my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
