Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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