I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
