Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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