At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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