sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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