Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
