Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize