Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
