And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
