Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
